Monday, January 17, 2011

My take on the Golden Globes

Some fleeting thoughts on last night’s Golden Globes. Not a full recap. I save those for real award shows. But here are just some random observations.

All you need to know about the Golden Globes is that Angelina Jolie got nominated for THE TOURIST. She gave maybe the worst, stiffest performance since Wilson the volleyball in CASTAWAY.

Judging by his most gracious speech, I think the only person who thinks less of the Golden Globes than me is Robert De Niro. I can’t imagine the Foreign Press being touched that their honoree called them waiters and proposed they be deported.

But where else are you going to see Steven Spielberg and Ryan Seacrest viewed as peers in the same audience?

Ricky Gervais is always funny although I bet middle-America just hates him. It’s so clear he’s playing to the room not the television audience. But so what? Introducing Bruce Willis as Ashton Kutcher’s dad was the line of the year.

When Colin Firth gave his acceptance speech for THE KING’S SPEECH, didn’t you wish he stuttered?

Is it me, or has Helena Bonham Carter become creepy weird since marrying Tim Burton? On film she’s gorgeous, at public appearances she looks like Bif Naked.

I was thrilled for Katey Sagal. Considering her table was practically in the parking lot, she was clearly an upset winner. If you haven’t seen Katey in SONS OF ANARCHY, treat yourself. She’s the biker chick you don’t have to be in prison to love.

I don’t care how good an actor he is, NEVER give Al Pacino another award. You’d think after 127 wins the guy would know how to give a speech. Instead, it’s that crazy homeless guy outside the 7-11 who rambles incoherently.

Claire Danes was stunning. She wore a lovely simple sleek gown. As opposed to Olivia Wilde who looked like she was wearing a velvet haystack.

How can the Golden Globes expect anyone to take them seriously when Judy Dench and Piper Perabo are both nominated in the same acting category? Oh, and January Jones.

Remember Pia Zadora once won a Golden Globe. And when Sir Laurence Olivier won, the trophy broke in his hands as he was giving his acceptance speech.

The one thrilling moment: the standing ovation for Michael Douglas. Actors go on and on about their courageous “journeys”; this guy has been on a journey.

Every time they cut to a reaction shot during a TV award you saw six movie people in the background who could not be more bored.

January Jones remains the most beautiful woman on the planet who has no idea how to dress herself.

What a touching and elegant presentation speech by Robert Downey Jr. for the Best Supporting Actress category. Talking about how he needs to fuck them all. Class-yyyy.

Did Lea Michele’s cat die? I can’t believe she was really crying every five seconds over the friggin’ Golden Globes. I mean, welling up when Justin Bieber was introduced?

By the way, Justin Bieber was the only presenter who was shorter than the statue.

I guess Dennis Quaid had gotten over Meg Ryan dumping him. That was some Jessica Rabbitt hanging on his arm.

MAD MEN lost even though it was better this season than two in which they won.

Laura Linney is an amazing talent, but remember when the Best Actress in a Comedy had to be funny? You’d think Tina Fey would have a pretty good shot considering her competition was a cancer victim, a schizophrenic, a pop singer, and a disgruntled nurse. Tina, next year go for Best Actress in a Drama. You’ll probably win.

Was BOARDWALK EMPIRE really that good or is the Foreign Press just Martin Scorsese’s bitch?

Notice that Jim Parsons forgot to thank Chuck Lorre?

I’m sure if Aaron Sorkin had more time he would have thanked me. That would have been some moment – me, sitting stunned in front of my TV, Lea Michele crying uncontrollably.

Shows on host network NBC won exactly no Golden Globes.

Happy that SOCIAL NETWORK won. But if I were a waiter fearing deportation I would have voted for THE GOOD WIFE and MODERN FAMILY in the TV categories.

Bring on the Oscars. Or the TV Land awards. Anything.

On another note: There are still a few remaining spots open for my free teleseminar on Thursday night. Here's where you go for information or sign-up.

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