In case you're one of the 7 billion people who don't follow me on Twitter, this is the crap I've been tweeting this weekend:
Thank God the production people from SPIDERMAN: THE MUSICAL weren't in charge of the giant ball dropping. Thousands would have been killed.
Who needs to go to a big New Years Eve party when I have all my close Facebook friends right here with me on the computer?
Just so there's no confusion, let's put Snooki in the big ball now so she'll be in place ready to go next New Year's Eve.
My grandmother used to say, "New Year's Eve is for amateurs!" At least I think that's what she said. She really slurred.
All 2010 calendars for 80% off at Walmart! Today only!
How many folks from Buffalo just saw the Rose Parade and already have the U-Haul packed for LA? It rains here and we have no NFL team.
Got Rose Bowl on mute. Even Brent Musberger's closed captions are boring and insipid.
Happy birthday to every racehorse. What an AMAZING coincidence!!
Watched the 3 Stooges marathon. Every short looked like the trailer to LITTLE FOCKERS.
My New Year's Resolution: Not to Tweet and leave Facebook comments every ten minutes. Aw shit.