Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Korean Vaginal Steam Baths -- Why didn't we do this story on MASH?

As you know, this is the blog to turn to for the latest updates in show business and medicine. 

Today we focus on vaginal Steam Baths. It’s the newest chic spa treatment in – where else? – La La Land.

Yes, taking its place alongside Bull Semen Hair Conditioning, Placenta Facials, Snake Massages, Nightingale Droppings Facials, and Dark Bathing Beer Baths comes V-Steam Baths. A recent article in the LA TIMES details this revolutionary new treatment.

Actually, it’s not new. Supposedly, it’s an age-old Korean stress and infertility remedy. Women sit naked on a stool over a boiling pot of a mugwort tea blended with wormwood and a variety of other herbs. Korean women have been taking Vaginal steam baths for centuries, but tell me this doesn’t sound like something Hawkeye & Trapper dreamed up to lure nurses into their tent.

Vaginal steam baths, called chai-yok are now available in a Santa Monica spa. A 30-minute squat goes for $50.00. THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS are probably stampeding over there at this very moment. For the more budget conscious -- at Daengki Spa in Koreatown, a 45-minute treatment is only $20.00. The steam includes a mixture of 14 herbs imported from Korea. Hey, don’t laugh. This is how Colonel Sanders started.

And guys -- don’t feel left out. There’s a version for you, too. Why any guy would want to steam the clams, I don’t know. But it’s an option. I'm guessing it would simulate what it's like to be married to one of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS. 

Now I can hear you, gals. You’re saying, “Darn! I don’t live in Los Angeles. I guess there’s no way for me to experience this miracle treatment.” Well, you’re in luck! You can get a complete setup for a do-it-yourself steam — open-seated stool, boiler and herbs -- for only $330.00! How did the Sky Mall miss this goldmine? To answer Britney Spears’ next question, “No, I don’t know if they have a model for the car”.

There is no hard medical evidence to substantiate that this treatment is effective, although I’m sure Hawkeye would say he’d need to observe a larger sample before making any final determination. But there are women who swear by it. The TIMES article quotes one happy customer:

Sherman Oaks-based writer Lanee Neil, said she prefers the V-Steam to the harshness of a douche and thinks of it as a "facial" for her private area.

"It's a simple, relaxing treatment," says Neil, who hopes it will help her become pregnant. "You can imagine people doing this in the forest somewhere."

More than imagine. There must be a REAL SEX segment where women do do this in the forest. If not, you’ll see one by Friday. And next season on CALIFORNICATION for sure.

So does it really work?  I don't know.  Only time will tell whether it’s a holistic godsend, or steam up your vagina is really nothing more than smoke up your ass.

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