Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Summer Movies Preview

Hello from the show business capital of the world -- Detroit, where it's time for my annual Summer Movies Preview.   (Programming note:  I'll be calling tonight's Mariners/Tigers game with Rick Rizzs at 7 EDT on 710 ESPN Seattle and MLB.COM)

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – PART 2 – Last installment of the series. Any more and Daniel Radcliffe will be able to play Dumbledore.

THE HANGOVER – PART 2 – Same plot as THE HANGOVER, different locale. This time it’s Bangkok and a monkey. A must-see for anyone who wants Warner Brothers to make more money.

KUNG FU PANDA 2 – I’m only surprised there’s not a GHANDI 2 this summer. Animated account of Pablo Sandoval and his heroic battle with weight.

THE BEAVER – Jew hater Mel Gibson as a guy with a hand puppet. Oh. It’s the puppet who hates Jews and treats women like shit. Not Mel. Got it. Okay. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN – The lovable bum is tired of begging for food.

THOR – Batman has his Batmobile, this guy has a hammer. Superhero strapped for cash.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES -- Johnny Depp reprises (yet again) his role as Jack Sparrow. More rollicking PG-13 raping.

JUMPING THE BROOM – Is that the studio’s idea of a “tentpole”? African-American rom-com. Wedding complications in the Martha’s Vineyard crib.

PRIEST – Vampire action-thriller and sequel to THE SINGING NUN.

BRIDESMAIDS – Studios won’t greenlight rom-coms unless they have a wedding theme. Buzz on this one is DOA (Dead on the alter).

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS – Woody Allen’s 463rd movie. The premise is a secret but expect beauty shots of Paris, and a redress of one of his other 462 movies. Hopefully not SHADOWS AND FOG.

THE TREE OF LIFE – In contrast to Woody Allen, director Terrance Malick comes out with movies so rarely that when he started filming this drama about a relationship in the ‘50s it was set in contemporary times.

THE CHANGE-UP – Body switching movie with Justin Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. If the extended trailer is any indication this may be the most vile unfunny movie of 2011. And remember ARTHUR is this year.

SOMETHING BORROWEDAnother wedding rom-com that no guy will ever go see unless he's guaranteed sex later. And maybe even then.

LOVE, WEDDING, MARRIAGE – Stop already! This down-the-aisler stars Lindsay Lohan. Why not just have superheroes marry vampires and cover all the bases?

EVERYTHING MUST GO – Will Ferrell sells all of his worldly possessions in a yard sale. People buy everything but his LAND OF THE LOST memorabilia.

SUPER 8 – Will the sequel be SUPER 8-2 or SUPER 9?

The Preview continues tomorrow...

No comments:

Post a Comment