Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Some random thoughts even though no one asked me.

What’s the difference between the CMA Awards and the ACM Awards?

Whatever happened to Bridget Fonda?

Congratulations to U. Conn for winning the worst NCAA Championship Game in history.  I'd watch 24 and Jack Bauer would be running, dodging thousands of bullets and I'd think -- nobody could shoot that badly.  And then I watched Butler.   

Big controversy: Natalie Portman did very little of her own dancing in BLACK SWAN. So says the ballerina who claims she did all the dancing and they just digitized Natalie’s head on her body. And they wanted her to keep quiet about it so it wouldn’t hurt Natalie’s Oscar chances. The film’s choreographer denies the charge. Of course, he’s the one who knocked up Natalie Portman. But this presents a bigger issue. The digitizing was so skillful that you couldn’t tell the difference. So why not employ that trickery with other movies? Why not remake every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie with Nathan Fillion’s head and performance?

On Saturday, Boston Red Sox pitcher Jon Lackey lost to the Texas Rangers. This was his postgame quote: "Well, I felt good out there. I really thought I threw the ball well, just a couple of seeing eye singles turned into outs and we're having a different conversation. This game could easily have gone either way". Lackey pitched 3 2/3 innings, gave up nine runs and ten hits including three doubles, two triples, and two home runs. Yeah, those seeing-eye 400 foot home runs can really kill ya.

Rock has Lady Gaga, Country has Lady Antebellum, and joggers have Lady Foot Locker.

I could see Donald Trump as our president. The Israelis want our support. The Palestinians want our support. Okay, a group of six from each side has to sell pizzas for twelve hours one day in Times Square. Whoever sells the most gets our aid and Titan missiles.

On Saturday the Colorado Rockies hosted the Arizona Diamondbacks.  It was 84 degrees.  Sunday's game was snowed out.  

Buy my book. (Notice how my plugs are getting shorter?)

Charlie Sheen got booed off the stage last weekend in Detroit. Largely because he was completely incoherent. Afterwards, of course, he took no responsibility. Chuck Lorre brainwashed the audience and if just a couple of those seeing-eye singles turned into outs it would have been a completely different performance.

Whoever becomes the next American Idol will not sell a third as many downloads as Rebecca Black's “Friday”.

IN TREATMENT might be back for another season on HBO but in a different format. No longer will Dr. Paul Weston (Gabriel Byrne) be conducting marathon therapy sessions. Without that I’m not sure what the show is. Dr. Weston solves crimes? Dr. Weston becomes the psychiatric advisor for a new Broadway show going up – SHUTTER ISLAND: THE MUSICAL and we get to see a lot of singing and dancing? Dr. Weston replaces Charlie Sheen on TWO AND A HALF MEN?

I’ll be helping out later this month on Phoef Sutton’s CBS pilot. Good luck to all the writer-creators of pilots currently in production. Three years ago a veteran comedy writer (not me, honest) helped out on a pilot, almost single-handedly turning it around – solving the story and providing inspired jokes. The show got picked up to series and the showrunner naturally wanted to hire this veteran writer. The network wouldn’t approve him.

DreamWorks is changing the release date of its animated feature, THE CROODS from March 1, 2013 to March 22, 2013. Damn! I had dinner plans on March 22,2013.

ESPN will be on hand for the Giants’ home opener. They specifically want to show the hoisting of the world championship flag. If I were the Giants I would have my announcer, Jon Miller, do the hoisting. Let ESPN show that. Jon, a spectacular broadcaster, was fired by ESPN after 21 years of service. And, for good measure, they did it the year he was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Meanwhile, I'll be up in Seattle for the Mariners' home opener this Friday night.  In honor of the M's beloved announcer Dave Niehaus who passed away last November, I'll be wearing white shoes.  Dave always wore white shoes.  Who the hell sells white shoes?   Is there a Superfly Men's Warehouse in LA anywhere?

Good news! Matthew Weiner has signed to do three more seasons of MAD MEN. That should take them to the early ‘70s when Sally sleeps with weird Glen for killing her mother.

And I'll leave you with this.

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