Thursday, April 28, 2011

Summer Movies Preview -- the Sequel to the Sequel

Hi from either Detroit or Boston depending on when you read this. The M's wrap up a crucial three-game series with the Tigers today at 1:00 EDT. Rick Rizzs and I provide the play-by-play on 710 ESPN in Seattle and MLB.COM. But for those who'd rather go to the movies, here's the final installment of my annual Summer Movies Preview.  The first two parts (prequels?) were yesterday and the day before

LARRY CROWE – Basically COMMUNITY with Tom Hanks as Abed and Julia Roberts as Senor Chang.

THE SMURFS – The lovable blue people come to life. To save money on special effects they just used wind up toys. Uh oh, did I reveal too much?

CRAZY, STUPID LOVE – Sounds like a rom-com for adults that blessfully is not from Nancy Meyers. Stars Steve Carell & Julianne Moore… but of course also stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone because no one will go to see a love story starring, y’know, old people.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON – Which is what you can kiss before I’ll go see this heap.

ZOOKEEPER – Kevin James talks to the animals. And they talk back. Meanwhile, Mr. Ed sits waiting by a phone that never rings.

PROJECT NIM – Sundance sensation. Documentary about trying to teach a chimpanzee how to speak. He won’t, unless it’s to Kevin James.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – See this is what happens when monkeys really talk.

ANOTHER EARTH – There’s a planet identical to ours but with better G3 reception and no Mel Gibson.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS – A couple decide to be fuck buddies. This is an idea that hasn’t been done since NO STRINGS ATTACHED in January. But who would you rather be your booty bud? Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake? Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis? Me too. I’ll be seeing FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER – Waving flags and whipping Nazis, this superhero is who Sarah Palin thinks she is.

THE HELP – Real Housewives of Mississippi in 1960.

30 MINUTES OR LESS – Jesse Eisenberg is a pizza delivery kid with a bomb strapped to him. It’s the Domino’s “Million Pieces for ten dollars” promotion.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER – Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks. Could be the funniest comedy of the summer, funnier even than JUMPING THE BROOM.

THE DEBT – Helen Mirren finally realizes she’s a great actress but not funny and returns to drama with a Cold War Spy flick. Will this win her another Oscar? No, but it might salvage her career after ARTHUR.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN – Maybe he can balance the California State Budget.

FRIGHT NIGHT – Colin Farrell in the remake of the 1985 cult-fave about a suburbanite who kills his neighbor. That’ll teach them to leave their trash cans out.

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