Thursday, March 24, 2011

What will they think of next?

It was only a matter of time. We have wedding planners, party planners, cuisine consultants, and life coaches, why not funeral planners?

That day has come. Shiva Sisters is here!

Shiva Sisters is (in their words) a full service company, which lightens the burden for those who have lost a loved one. Our company creates meaningful receptions, shivas and memorials.

This is a service geared to baby boomers. Drugs didn’t get all of us in the ‘60s. We have disposable cash, and who wants to give up an afternoon of golf to make funeral arrangements? Ugh!

A recent article about this boasts such memorial tributes as releasing balloons that are the favorite color of the deceased, special non deli menus (deli food is so…obvious), providing an opera singer at the grave site (I guess to prove it really is over), a marching band, and my personal favorite – for an extra $200 or so mourners could take one final ride in a special hearse towed by a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

It’s one thing for weddings and bar mitzvahs to have “themes” (and even some of those are absurd). How soon until I attend a “Star Trek” funeral? The immediate family is given Spock ears to wear and the service is done entirely in Klingon.

I also see the rom-com possibilities. How many wedding planner movies have there been? Now comes Jennifer Lopez as the “Funeral Planner”. Good at her job but always complaining that all the good men are taken. Along comes Mark Ruffalo whose wife was crushed to death in a car wash accident. He comes to her planning the “King’s Speech”-themed funeral. There’s an immediate attraction. But there’s always a zany complication. In this case it’s that Ruffalo’s dead wife isn’t even cold yet.

So they don’t date. Jennifer becomes depressed. She’s not having fun planning burials anymore. But they bump into each other at other funerals she arranges. They dance together during the “Romancing the Stone”-themed memorial. Take a surfing lesson together at the Gidget-grieve. And finally kiss at the Spongebob Squarepants cremation ceremony. They fall in love, and in a touching finale they combine the unveiling of his late wife’s headstone with their wedding reception. Add some vintage Motown hits and you’ve got the feel-good tear jerker of the summer.

Then come the reality shows, and finally THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF FOREST LAWN.

If this doesn’t make you want to live forever I don’t know what will.

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